The threat of the 'milk run'

The 'milk run' is a terrifying new youth phenomenon sweeping Australia which may soon reach Britain's shores. It involves Aussie High School kids having an end-of-year 'muck up' day: After drinking a litre of milk and some food colouring, they take a shot of lemon juice, then proceed to run, jump and shake themselves up until the coloured mixture curdles and comes back to greet the road, creating a sick homage to Jackson Pollock in psychedelic cottage cheese. The whole twisted ritual has been captured with secret cameras and posted on YouTube:



Alarmed policy makers have been left confused and impotent as the dangerous new youth cult involves no drugs for them to ban. Shorn of the more familiar media-friendly knee-jerk criminal justice response they have been mooting banning milk, lemon juice or food colouring - although the practicality of these is questioned by a few more rational voices, less swept up in the current milk-run panic. Personally I think we cannot gamble with the health of the next generation and so support the zero tolerance option. If we are to protect the UK's youth from the incoming yogurt tsunami we must immediately imprison all Aussie High school kids*.

*possibly on a remote island as far from the UK as possible