Saturday, July 05, 2008

The threat of the 'milk run'

The 'milk run' is a terrifying new youth phenomenon sweeping Australia which may soon reach Britain's shores. It involves Aussie High School kids having an end-of-year 'muck up' day: After drinking a litre of milk and some food colouring, they take a shot of lemon juice, then proceed to run, jump and shake themselves up until the coloured mixture curdles and comes back to greet the road, creating a sick homage to Jackson Pollock in psychedelic cottage cheese. The whole twisted ritual has been captured with secret cameras and posted on YouTube:

Alarmed policy makers have been left confused and impotent as the dangerous new youth cult involves no drugs for them to ban. Shorn of the more familiar media-friendly knee-jerk criminal justice response they have been mooting banning milk, lemon juice or food colouring - although the practicality of these is questioned by a few more rational voices, less swept up in the current milk-run panic. Personally I think we cannot gamble with the health of the next generation and so support the zero tolerance option. If we are to protect the UK's youth from the incoming yogurt tsunami we must immediately imprison all Aussie High school kids*.

*possibly on a remote island as far from the UK as possible


Anonymous said...


Cake, or dihydrogenmonoxide perhaps anyone?

Please tell me this isn't true.


Anonymous said...

Disgusting... I don't understand people who find it funny to puke - it's just strongly unpleasant... And actually watching this video made me want to puke. ;)
Anyway, Transform's comment is just great, as usually with the most absurd news about drugs and related territories...

Anonymous said...

My goodness, the 'authorities' must be gutted!

They can't really ban any of this stuff...but maybe they could criminalise its 'misuse'.

Yep, that's the answer :)

Unknown said...

Do you want to ban all versions of milk (cow, goat, soy, etc) or only that which is more often used for this horrific act?

Which food colourings do you plan or banning? Or are you just going to ensure it's kept in locked cabinets so only a pharmacist has access to it?