Friday, July 20, 2007

Youth cannabis consumption plummets following ministerial revelations

In a remarkable development following the recent admissions of youthful indescretions by 6 cabinet ministers, it appears that cannabis use amongst young people has plummeted.*

In a snap poll undertaken by Transform in the wake of the cabinet mass confessional, it appears the possibility of cannabis turning you into a cabinet minister has deterred thousands of young people away from the psychosis and schizophrenia inducing drug.

Interviews with some of the youngsters who answered the questionnaire included the following comments:

"After Cameron came out as former user I cut my use right back. After this Ive quit altogether. The risk is just too serious"

"Ive read the Da-vinci code, so i know what Ruth Kelly and that opus-dei lot are like. I know cannabis is bad for you, but theres no way I'm going to risk becoming a murdering psycho-monk"

"years of school drug prevention meassages just washed over me but this news has really hit me hard. Its shocking to see what a supposedly 'safe' drug can drive people to. They seem to talk rubbish all the time - which must be something to do with the way cannabis is stored in your fat cells for 50 years"

"they were all smoking like mad when they were students and look what happened. I want a proper job, and I dont want to turn into a boring minger like that lot"
A leading academic commented:
"Weve seen this effect before when sales of converse trainers plummeted after Cameron wore them, and similarly with Levi 501s when Tony Blair stepped out in them. The hope is now that even more un-charismatic Westminster bores will reveal their past drug use so we can build on the successes of the last few days."
"With drug free role models like Posh and Becks its good to know young people have some real intelluectual heavy weights to aspire to, ones whose brains havent been befuddled by use of illegal drugs."

* entire story completely made up

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